BEFORE SKINNED
Joris de Graaf
The significance—————-in a new birthmark on my belly;
how the mighty have fallen
effortlessly———comatose yet pregnant with wicked renewal
Standing amidst—————————melancholy with lachrymose authority,
True effrontery in forgery of love of self.
Immutable within a womb,—–holding on to the white noise waters——————-of
something that could never be mine—
a cave one could try to crawl back into.
My cruelty is the result of pernicious————————birth,
by sleep———-that has lasted too long but is never
fated to——————————————————————————–end.
——–I thought I wanted it that way,
gamboling about in nothing but————————-patterned socks.
Coarse pubic hair in the wind like———————-envy.
——–I thought I wanted it that way,
growing up a haberdasher of——————dreams.
——–I thought I wanted it that way,
telling myself, over and—
Mother recalls dead cells before and after my time.
The selves I gave away, unplanned.
——————————————————————————It came out all at once.
Only time I’ve ever wanted for——————————————constipation.
Lost something I never had any right to be proud of
Tried to bury it without a casket.
A bloody mess, aborted, looking back up.
Should I have given it a name?